


Learning To Crawl

by Hiddlestonerheart83



Category: Actor RPF, British Actor RPF
Genre: BDSM, BDSM Scene, Dom Tom Hiddleston, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Kink, Porn With Plot, Romance, True Love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-22
Updated: 2019-01-22
Packaged: 2019-10-14 09:05:35
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 13,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17505665
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hiddlestonerheart83/pseuds/Hiddlestonerheart83
Summary: A young makeup artist turns to her best friend for help when her fiance leaves her for a woman who gives him something that she never could.  Soon she finds herself lost in a world of pleasure and control that she cannot escape from.  The lines between fantasy and reality are quickly blurred, and hearts inevitably end up on the line.  Can a woman who has just tasted true passion for the first time walk away and return to the life that she has always settled for before?  Would she even want to?  MAJOR SMUT-MAJOR PLOT-MAJOR LOVE. F/M. BDSM THEMED. REWRITE BY ORIGINAL AUTHOR (ME) FROM THREE YEARS AGO.  I DECIDED TO FINALLY FINISH :)





	1. Chapter 1

**_Chapter One:  An Innocent Request_ **

  
  


_ “You seemed so desperate, like you might drown if someone didn't save you.”  _

_ -Arthur Golden, Memoirs of A Geisha _

  
  
  


“No, Abby.  Absolutely not.”  My best friend of three years (and my most recently acquired roommate) said quite firmly as he pushed himself swiftly up from the sofa that we had previously been sharing, and even more swiftly began moving toward the other side of his quite impressively decorated living room.  I sighed in slight annoyance as I immediately jumped up onto my feet as well, and then quickly began nearly chasing the man in front of me toward the kitchen where he seemed to now be headed.

“Seriously, Tom?  You didn’t even let me finish!  It’s not fair to give an answer to a question that you haven’t even heard all of yet.”  I justified with a slightly childish whine in my voice as I moved into the expansive kitchen just behind my friend, who was obviously now attempting to run away from me, and subsequently ran smack into his back when he very unexpectedly stopped dead in his tracks.

“I don’t need to hear the rest of it, because I already know exactly what you are going to ask, and what my answer to you is going to be.  No, Abby darling. Hell. Fucking. No.” Tom said just as he spun around quite stealthily on his heels, and then dropped his intense aquamarine stare down toward mine.  I huffed slightly more loudly than I had before as I made a very disappointed expression up in his direction, and then crossed my arms defiantly over my now heaving chest.  

“Come on, Tom.  Please just hear me out.  Friends are supposed to listen to each other when they have something important to say, aren’t they?”  I asked as I softened my voice just slightly, and then quickly began using my best pouty face, that usually at least made him smile when we were having one of our quite frequent disagreements.  Tom sighed in an exhausted tone as he leaned back carefully against the counter that sat behind him, and then finally began motioning with one of his expansive hands for me to just hurry up and get this over with already.

“Alright, darling.  Go ahead and ask me that horrible question again, and then explain to me exactly how amazing the plan behind it is so that I may tell you how I am absolutely not going to do it... _ again _ .”  He said in a very sarcastic tone of voice as he smirked just slightly in my direction, letting me know that he was mostly just kidding around with me, and that he did still care very deeply about the absolutely dreadful predicament that I had most recently found myself in.  I smiled in return to my friend’s incredibly sardonic comment, and then I took in a very deep breath before I finally allowed myself to (once again) get this whole embarrassing thing started.

“Okay, so obviously you know that the whole reason that I have been staying with you is because Ian...well because he kind of...broke things off with me.”  I said as I felt my smile immediately fade from my lips, and the bitter taste of painful rejection completely fill the inside of my mouth. Tom nodded slowly as he matched my stance nearly exactly by crossing his long arms over the broad expanse of his chest, and then quickly licked his lips before he once again responded to my words.

“Yes, Ian is a fucking idiot.  Everyone in California knows that, love.  Now, please continue.” He said quickly bringing a smile once again to my lips with his as always incredibly dry sense of humor, and then he winked playfully in my direction in the sort of way that I was quite certain would have had every single one of his little fangirls absolutely swooning at his feet _.  Not to mention even a few friends of mine that for now shall remain nameless. _

“Yes, well what I didn’t tell you was exactly  _ why  _ it was that he decided to end things with me in the first place.”  I said as I felt a very familiar knot beginning to form deep in the pit of my stomach, and a dryness take ownership of my throat that had been almost constant since just about two weeks before.  

“You told me that he found someone else.  Is that not the extent of his madness? Did he actually have another incredibly idiotic excuse for leaving the sole reason that he ever got any work in this town or honestly even had a bed to sleep in at night?”  Tom asked slightly bitterly as he roughly shifted his weight back against the counter that he leaned against, and then crossed one of his long legs very carefully over the other. I sighed as I remembered all of the help that not only I, but also Tom had given my now ex fiance over the past few years of our relationship, and how neither one of us had ever even really gained a thank you from him that extended past a simple head nod.  

“Well, yes he did find someone else.  He found a very young, very beautiful director’s assistant that has absolutely no mind of her own, and who caters to his every single little whim.”  I said as I felt the bile that filled my mouth becoming even more bitter than it had been before, and the knot in my stomach growing even tighter in its form.

“Sounds painfully boring, darling.  Now, please speed up to the part where you want my involvement in any of this.”  Tom said as he smiled slightly cockily in my direction, and then tapped his watch as if he actually had somewhere to be at eleven o’clock on a Wednesday night.  I took in a very deep breath as I once again silently rehearsed the speech that I had been practicing inside of my mind all day, and then very carefully released it from my lips when I finally thought that I was ready.   _ Thought, being the key word here. _

“Okay, so as I said, this little homewrecker does everything that Ian wants whenever he wants it.  She attends to his every single little fantasy, and disgustingly obeys him as if she is some sort of trained lap dog.  In short, she... _ submits _ ...to him.”  I said as I slightly stumbled on my last few words, and then nodded very slowly in Tom’s direction, praying that he would quickly catch on to what it was that I was trying to say to him.  Tom stared at me for a seemingly endless moment as his eyes seemed to very uneasily hold mine, and then he slowly tilted his head to one side just before he once again began to speak.

“Well, that’s lovely, Abby.  However, I still don’t see how any of this pertains to me.”  He said dryly as his eyes continued to hold mine, but his voice suddenly sounded quite different than it had before.  Slightly more quiet, a lot deeper, and as if his words were coming solely from the center of his chest. His tone made me strangely on edge, but I simply took in yet another deep breath, and continued pressing on.  _  Focus on the goal, Abby.  Focus. _

“Tom, let’s not stand here and pretend that I don’t know what it is that you do in your free time.”  I said bravely as I took a very bold step forward, and then tilted my jaw upwards so that my eyes lined up just a little bit more evenly with my friend’s.  Tom stared down at me as he remained perfectly still in his stature, and then slowly ran his tongue over the small swell of his bottom lip.

“Alright then, let’s not pretend.  I’ve known for quite some time that you knew about my preferences.  Rachel had a very big and absolutely useless mouth on her. But, all of that aside, I still do not understand what help I can be of here.  Do you want me to go steal away this lost little girl so that you can have your horrible excuse for fiance back or something?” He asked with a slightly humorless laugh as he continued to keep his eyes tightly on mine, and then very casually shrugged his incredibly broad shoulders in my direction.  I sighed as I felt myself growing slightly more agitated with the man who had dismissed me so quickly earlier, but who had obviously never even listened to what it was that I had originally even been asking of him.

“No, Tom.  I don’t want you to steal Heather away from Ian. God knows you would most likely catch something.  What I want you to do is….” I started, but I stopped short of my question, immediately feeling both nervous and embarrassed about asking it.  Tom and I had been friends for over three years, and asking him something like this was something that not only did I know that he would say no to, but also something that kind of made me look crazy for even asking it in the first place.  Finally, I bit down lightly on my bottom lip as I went over my words quickly once again inside of my head, and then eventually I allowed my brilliant idea to tumble out over my lips.

“Well... I want you to teach me how to be...like her.”  I stuttered out quickly as I then immediately dropped my eyes down to the beautifully tiled floor beneath me, and then released a breath that it felt like I had been holding for nearly my entire life.  The kitchen around me was absolutely silent as I continued chewing at my lip, and then finally I gained the courage to very hesitantly once again lifted my eyes up toward Tom’s.

“You want me to teach you how to be a submissive, Abby?  Is that what you are asking me?” Tom asked in the same incredibly deep tone that he had adapted just a few moments before as he stared at me incredulously, and then pushed himself very slowly away from the counter that he had been leaning against.  I swallowed thickly as I took an unexpected step backward, and then carefully nodded my head in response.

“Yes, that is what I am asking you.  I don’t see why you are looking at me like that though.  It is a perfectly...normal question.” I stuttered once again, knowing that this definitely wasn’t a normal question by any means, and that Tom was just about to tell me exactly how not normal it truly was.

“I am looking at you like this because it is obvious that you have gone completely mad, and because it is also obvious that you have no fucking idea what it is that you are even asking me.  It’s getting late, and you are obviously incredibly tired, Abby. I think that it’s time for bed.” He said as he shook his head slowly as if trying to shake what I had just said out of his mind, and then began quickly moving toward the kitchen’s exit just to my left hand side.  I quickly moved so that I was standing directly in my friend’s path, and subsequently, I successfully stopped him swiftly in his tracks. Tom looked down at me with very serious  _ ‘Don’t press your luck with me tonight’  _ eyes, but as usual, I pressed on anyway.

“No, it is not time for bed, so you can just stop right there,  _ Dad. _  Now, I understand that this plan might sound crazy to you, but I honestly think that it just might work.  If you would just listen to me, I think...” I began just as Tom very formally silenced my words by raising one of his hands into the air, and in turn caused my once high hopes to falter inside of my mind.   _ Shit... _

“You think that if I listen to you that I will change my mind, and that I will help you with this no matter how truly fucked up it might sound because I have always helped you with everything over the years.  Is that about right, darling?” He asked as he stared down at me intently, and then lifted his brow just slightly in my direction. I released a breath as I felt a slight sting from his words, and then forced myself to roll my eyes instead of taking it to heart.  _ I would not be derailed this quickly... _

“No, I just think that if you hear me out you will understand why I believe that this plan will work, and that it is actually quite a good idea.  Besides, just as much as you have helped me over the years, I have also been there to save your ass a time or two.” I said as I remembered back to the morning when I drove all the way across the great state of California to pick Tom up at a movie set just after sweet little Rachel slashed each and every one of his very expensive new tires.  Tom stared down at me as I imagined he was also remembering such a fond moment, and then he once again released a breath from between his lips.

“Darling, I hate to tell you this, but no matter how you explain it to me, this idea is still going to sound horrible because it is in fact a horrible idea.  Now look, we have been friends for a very long time, and I think that you know very well that I would do anything within reason to ease the pain that your blundering oaf of an ex has caused you, but darling I just can’t do this.  I know that you don’t understand why, but I just can’t.” He said as he stared down at me just before taking a very small step forward, obviously hoping that I would subsequently move out of his way, but I remained steadfast in my resolve just the same.

“This is the only thing that is going to ease my pain.  I need to learn to be like her in that way, or I am never going to get him back.  I have to get him back, Tom. I love him.” I pleaded as my voice began to shake as memories of my life with my now ex-fiance swiftly drifted into my mind, and caused my chest to ache just from the heavy feeling presence of them.  Tom sighed as he settled back on his heels just slightly from his place in front of me, and then he stared down at me from just over the slope of his nearly perfect nose.

“I know that you love him, darling.  But as much as it hurts to hear this, do you really think that he still honestly loves you?  If he truly loved you, wouldn’t he be sleeping in your bed and not wasting his time in hers? Don’t waste your time or your effort on someone that won’t do the same for you.  You deserve far more than that.” He said as he smiled a very soft and familiar smile down toward me, and then released a gentle breath from between his thin pale lips. I felt my eyes beginning to fill with tears as I thought about the possibility that my ex-fiance wasn’t just going through some sort of phase, but instead that he might actually just not have the same feelings for me that he once had.  I swiftly pushed those thoughts out of my mind, however, reminding myself to stay true to my cause that my friend was so obviously attempting to derail me from.

“Up until last month, we were making wedding plans together, Tom.  I know that Ian loves me, he just needs something from me that I don’t know how to give him yet.  He always talked about wanting to try the whole  _ get-down-on-your-knees-and-lick-my-boots _ kind of thing, but I just couldn’t wrap my head around it.  Now, he has found someone that can, and I am just left completely alone without him.  If I could just learn to be able to do something like that, then he wouldn’t need her anymore.  He would need me.” I answered pathetically as I dropped my eyesdown to the floor beneath my feet once again, and then sighed ever so slightly from deep inside of my chest.  There was a silence in the room around me that seemed unbearable as I felt forced to stand in it, and then I finally felt Tom very carefully slide two of his long fingers just beneath my small chin.  I swallowed thickly as I allowed him to tilt my face very slowly up toward his, and then I blinked back a few tears so that he hopefully wouldn't notice that I had actually started to cry.

“Abby, I care for you very deeply. You were one of the first friends that I made when I started spending more time in America, and I can honestly say that you are now the best friend that I have.  With that being said, what you are asking of me is something that I cannot do because of the friendship that we share. Having the kind of relationship that you are apparently very well aware that I prefer, well it would completely destroy the current relationship that we now have.  I cherish you far too much to lose you just so that you can attempt to win back a man that doesn’t deserve you. I understand that sounds selfish, but it is just how I feel, darling.” Tom said as he kept his fingers just lightly pressing against the bottom of my chin, and looking down at me as if I was a lost little girl that he had just found wandering on the side of the street.  My tears began brimming on the edges of my eyes as I sensed my defeat swiftly approaching, and so I very quickly became even more desperate to change his mind than I had been before. _  Which was obviously incredibly desperate. _

“No, you won’t lose me.   _ We _ won’t lose anything.  This will make us closer.  I swear, Tom. Nothing will change.  We will still be best friends when all of this is over if you do this.  You will still be one of the most important people to me.” I pleaded as I took a step back away from Tom’s grasp and began quickly shaking my head like a woman who had obviously completely lost her damn mind.  Tom sighed in what sounded like sheer exhaustion as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his sleep pants, and then relaxed his shoulders back just slightly stretching his large form.

“I don’t know what Harlequin Romance novels you have been reading lately, Abby.  But last time I checked, sex always ruined friendships. Especially the kind of sex that you are talking about having.”  He said as he raised his brow suggestively in my direction, and then nodded down toward me knowingly. I rolled my eyes as I batted his words away with one of my hands as if they had somehow actually materialized in the air between us, and then made a very disbelieving face.

“Sex doesn’t always ruin friendships, Tom.  Just watch any romantic comedy with Ashton Kutcher in it.  Plus, you are an actor. I’m sure it will be much easier for you to separate yourself from all of this rather than if I just asked some stranger off of the street.”  I said as I shrugged slightly. Tom rolled his eyes dramatically.

“Oh heavens, Abby.  Please do not pitch this idea to a stranger.  I swear to God, I will not pick up your dead body from Avenue X just because you wouldn’t listen to my very  _ logical  _ advice.”  He said as he stressed the word logical, and then began glaring down at me from his impressive height.  I lifted my brow slightly in his direction, suddenly filled with curiosity.

“What’s Avenue X?”  I asked quickly, and quite proudly without missing a beat.  Tom narrowed his eyes as his breath quickly escaped from his lips, and then he ran one of his large hands quickly through his coppery blonde colored hair.

“That is literally the least important part of what I just said.  Now, listen to me, Abby. Your idea, while I applaud its creativity, is absolutely horrible.  Friends should never have sex with each other if they wish to remain friends, and you should never ask a man that you are not romantically involved with already, if he wants to teach you how to be a sub.  You just don’t do that, it’s dangerous. You are lucky that I care for you as much as I do, because if I didn’t you would have rug burns on your knees by now, and my hand very unkindly coming down on your ass.”  He said in a completely frustrated sounding voice just as my eyes immediately went wide before him, and I felt color rise in my cheeks from his quite raunchy sounding words. Tom smiled slightly uneasily as he released an almost nervous sounding breath, and then very casually shrugged his shoulders.

“The fact that you are blushing right now is yet another reason why we cannot do this, Abby.  That was by far the most mild thing that I have ever said to a woman regarding this topic. If you cannot handle that, you sure as fuck cannot handle me.” He said as his strange smile very slowly faded, and his tired appearing eyes signaled to me that I wasn’t about to get anywhere in my fight anymore tonight.  I released a breath as I urged myself to give it just one last try before I finally gave up for good.

“I can handle that...and you...and anything else, Tom.  Your statement just took me a little off guard, that is all.  Come on, please.” I begged with very desperate words as I stared up toward my friend, and prayed to God that this time he might finally change his mind.  Tom matched my eyes, but his expression remained the same.

“No, Abby.  I’m sorry, love.”  He said in almost a whisper as he took a small step away from me, and closer toward the kitchen door.  I sighed as I once again felt tears beginning to well up in my eyes.

“Fine, if that is your answer, that is your answer.  Sorry to have bothered you with all of this tonight. I know that you are probably very tired and have a busy day ahead of you tomorrow.”  I said as I stepped back away from Tom, and turned my eyes toward the other side of the room as I begged God or anyone else that was listening to help me keep my tears inside until I had gotten at least a safe distance away.

“Abby, please don’t be mad, I...”  Tom started, but I quickly began shaking my head as I took a few very quick steps in front of him, and thankfully ended up making it to the door just seconds before he did.

“I’m not mad, Tom.  I’m absolutely devastated, but I am not mad.”  I said slightly dramatically over my shoulder as I refused to look back at my friend, and then after a few moments of silence as Tom had apparently finally run out of clever things to say, I finally made a mad dash up the stairs toward the sanctity of my bedroom. 

About an hour later, I found myself lying in the center of my newly acquired king sized bed, and violently shaking  from the force of my own heart broken tears. Memories of the past three and a half years that I had spent with Ian flooded through my mind no matter how desperately I attempted to fight them off, and images of the happy times that we had shared together seemed to quite painfully lodge themselves deep inside of my shattered heart.  My flesh ached as I wrapped my arms tightly around my form that so desperately craved to be held, and then I nearly jumped out of my skin just as I heard my bedroom door very unexpectedly beginning to open.

“Abby?”  Tom’s deep voice softly called from just a few feet away as a stream of golden light flooded over my quite disheveled room, and subsequently caused me to lift my head up from the warmth of my blankets with a very squinty stare.  The shadow shrouded form of my friend leaned against the frame of my bedroom door, and appeared to be surveying the damage of my bedroom as if he were inspecting a crime scene.

“What do you want, Tom?”  I asked in a very annoyed tone of  voice as I dramatically flipped over toward the other side of my room, and firmly turned my back on my friend who was now moving slowly across the freshly polished wooden boards without any permission (or want) of mine.

“I want to talk to you, darling.”  Tom said softly just as I felt his weight shifting onto the opposite side of my bed, and the warmth of his body quickly begin to fill the space just behind mine.  I kept myself stubbornly placed on my side of the bed, desperate to make my point.

“Well, I don’t want to talk to you.”  I said as I pulled my blankets up tighter around my body, and then buried my head down deeper against the softness of my pillow.  

“Of course you don’t.  I didn’t give you your way, and you have never been able to handle not getting your way.  Now, stop being a little brat, and come here darling.” Tom said in a gentle, but stern voice as he lifted one of his hands up to the top of my shoulder, and then gave me a very slight tug.  I remained frozen where I lay as I rolled my eyes at Tom’s incredibly insensitive comment, and then even huffed a little for dramatic effect. Tom laughed softly from his place behind me as he eventually dropped his hand away from me, and then I felt him roll slowly onto his back.

“And, you want to be a submissive.  Darling, you couldn’t follow directions if they were printed on a box.”  He said sarcastically just as I felt myself beginning to smile at his joke despite my intense anger, and then almost unwillingly rolling over onto my side in order to finally face him.

“I hate you.”  I said as I tried to hide my own laughter by playfully swinging my arm out toward Tom, but then immediately ceased in my laughter the second that he quite roughly caught me just a little bit tighter than he ever had before. I froze as I felt him apply much more strength to me than he usually did when we were playing around, and then swiftly pull my body closer toward his.

“No you don’t.  Now, come here.”  He said with laughter covering his words as he pulled me tightly into his arms, and then molded my body firmly against his.  I sighed as I allowed myself to eventually relax into his form just as I always did, and then I finally closed my incredibly tired eyes as I decided to give up in my fight for the night.

“Jerk.”  I said softly as I nuzzled my face just slightly against Tom’s collarbone, and then released another much needed sigh from between my lips.  Tom sighed also as he ran his fingers through my hair long sandy blonde colored hair, and then kissed the side of my head tenderly.

“Ah, but I’m a loveable jerk, my darling.  Now, tell me the truth. Do you think that you are going to be able to get over this any time soon or do you imagine that I am going to be listening to you cry yourself to sleep for the foreseeable future?”  He asked as he began rocking me just slightly from side to side, and stroking my hair with the same rhythm in which he was moving. I sighed as I suddenly felt very strangely at ease just as I always did whenever he held me, and then eventually slowly shook my head.

“I love him, Tom.  I have loved him for a long time, and even though he thinks that he has found somebody else, I still believe that deep down he still loves me.  So to answer your question, no. I don’t think that I will be getting over this anytime soon.” I answered as I once again attempted to block out the memories of my now ex-fiance, but as always, they were once again rushing in at an incredible pace.

“It will be a huge mistake if I agree to do this, Abby.  Deep inside, you have to know that.” Tom said quietly as he continued stroking my hair, but for some reason stopped rocking me in his arms.  I bit down on my bottom lip as I felt my heart jump up inside of my chest at the fact that it sounded as if he was actually entertaining my idea, but I attempted to keep my excitement as hidden as humanly possible.

“I know that you are the only person that I would ever be able to trust enough to help me with this, and that I would never ask you to do anything that I would ever think would destroy our friendship.”  I answered honestly as I nuzzled my face just a little more against Tom’s collarbone, and then released another small breath.

“What you are asking me to do is far more complicated than you realize, love.  It’s more than just a little kink in the bedroom that gets left at the door every morning.  For most people that do this, it is a lifestyle. That is very difficult to teach to someone who...well who you do not intend to keep.”  He said very softly as I felt him swallow thickly against the side of my head, and then shift his body just slightly away from mine. I sighed as I lifted my tired emerald colored eyes up toward my friend’s sparkling blue one’s, and then put on my most reassuring smile in the darkness.

“But you will be keeping me.  You are never getting rid of me, Hiddleston. Never.”  I said with a wink as I widened my smile, and then laid my head back down against Tom’s soft cotton shirt.  

“You are adorably naive, Abby.”  He said as his voice once again dropped to a dangerous octave, and I could sense that he was thinking quite intensely about our situation.

“If you are so worried about me not understanding or you losing me because I am not taking this seriously enough, why don’t you explain it all to me before you make your decision.  It’ll be fun. We’ll have coffee, you will look at me with those judging eyes that I love so much, and then in the end you will once again tell me no. We can make an afternoon of it or something.”  I said sarcastically with a small laugh as I felt my eyes becoming incredibly heavy, and sleep very swiftly swooping in around me. Tom sighed as he groaned dramatically from inside his throat.

“I should not even be entertaining this idea, darling.”  He said as I felt him once again pull me in tighter against his chest.  I sighed as buried my face in his neck, and then deeply inhaled the scent of him that had always made me feel instantly more at ease.

“Oh, Tom.  Please don’t act like you haven’t already made up your mind about all this.  You made up your mind the second that I asked you tonight in the kitchen, and are simply indulging me right now.  You are the most stubborn man that I have ever met, and dare I say also the most rigid.” I said as I finally released a very deep breath against Tom’s skin, and then nuzzled my face one last time against the side of his neck.  Tom sighed in a way that made it almost sound like he was groaning.

“Abby dear, you have no fucking idea.” 

  
  


**_So, I am back after about three years and decided to finally finished what I started.  I have re-written the first three chapters that had originally been posted and am working on the continuing chapters.  This will be a long one and something I now plan to finally finish! Let me know what you think. Thank you so much for reading. XOXOXO-Hiddlestonerheart83_ **


	2. Chapter 2

**_Chapter Two:  An Informal Meeting_ **

 

_ In order to know virtue, we must first acquaint ourselves with vice. _

_ —  _ Marquis de Sade

  
  
  
  


I had been on Google  _ all  _ day, and honestly, I was exhausted.  Ever since the evening before when Tom had finally given me the hope that he just might be the slightly fucked up savior that I so desperately needed him to be, I had been in research mode, and successfully scaring the shit out of myself at the very hands of my most favored search engine.  I had read blogs, articles, essays, and even stumbled onto a few very terrifying videos that I was certain I would need to receive severe psychological intervention for in order to recover from viewing, and yet still I felt absolutely lost. While the premise of BDSM seemed to be fairly easy to understand overall, the strange subsects that the lifestyle entailed, well that was what honestly confused me the most.  Throughout my day I had read all about the various different fetishes within the strangely tight knit pleasure based community such as, but not limited to: Edge play, branding, brown or golden showers, and something very terrifyingly titled as  _ cock and ball torture _ .  I had combed through what had felt like hundreds of pictures of women tightly bound in various stages of undress, and men lording over them while they appeared to cower in fear on their slightly bruised knees. Relinquishing power for a night of sinful feeling lovemaking was something that I could at least somewhat understand even with my limited knowledge of sex, but actually seeming to fear the man who was eventually going to be doing the lovemaking, well that was just something that I didn’t know if I even wanted to understand at all.  My mind swirled as all of the new terminology that I had recently found raced wildly throughout my suddenly aching head, and then just when I thought I couldn’t take anymore, an even bigger headache suddenly decided to open my bedroom door.

“It’s eight-fifteen, Abby.”  Tom announced in a completely unnecessarily stern tone as he appeared freshly showered and casually dressed in my doorway, and then leaned very casually against its wooden frame once he had finished speaking.  I sighed as I rolled over onto my side from my spot on the floor in which I had been lying, and then narrowed my incredibly exhausted emerald colored eyes over in my friend’s direction.

“I have a clock, Tom.  And a watch, and even a relatively well working iPhone.  I know very well what time it is.” I said slightly cattily as I felt the pain in my head beginning to heavily throb, and my overly stressed eyes beginning to just slightly burn behind my lashes.  Tom narrowed his stare down toward me as he crossed his arms very formally across the tight expanse of his chest, and then he nodded slowly down in my direction.

“Well, if you have all of those things, then why are you not sitting in my office right now?  Have you finally come to the realization that this idea of yours is absolutely and completely absurd?”  He asked as his voice remained in its usual completely even kilter, but his tone was slightly lower, just as it had been the night before.  My eyes widened suddenly as I realized that I had in fact completely forgotten about what it was that I was supposed to be doing at eight o’clock that evening, and that my strange internet travelling had obviously fried my idiotic young mind.

“Oh, shit.  Sorry. I was...um...researching.”  I said slightly shakily as I pushed myself up to sit on my floor amidst the tornado of clothing that still surrounded me from weeks of procrastination when it came to unpacking, and then met Tom’s slightly tensely held eyes that stared down from above me. 

“Researching, hmm?  So, on a scale of one to ten, how absolutely terrified are you right now?”  Tom asked with a small smile breaking onto his lips as he nodded over toward my computer that I seriously thought might now have to be burned if I ever wanted to see the inside of heaven, and then he eventually very slowly returned his eyes down toward mine.  I shrugged my shoulders very nonchalantly as I dropped my stare away from my friend’s quite penetrating one, and then quickly ran my tongue over my slightly chapped full lips.  _  Eleven….on a scale of one to ten, I was most definitely sitting at an eleven. _

“Not terrified at all, Mr. Sarcasm.  I’m just kinda tired from staring at my computer all day.  I’m a big girl. I can handle that... _ stuff. _ ”  I said quickly as my last word slightly faltered on my lips.  Tom nodded as he kept his smile firmly in its place, and then finally nodded his head back toward the outside hallway.

“Alright then, Miss All-Grown-Up.  Let’s go down to my office and have us a little chat, shall we?  You can tell me about all of the completely not terrifying things that you read about today, and I can tell you all about how ninety percent of it is most likely not even true.”   He said as he widened his eyes just slightly, and then pushed himself very gracefully away from my door’s frame. I sighed as I shrugged my shoulders in fake indifference once again, and then glanced over longingly toward the quite visible comfort of my still unmade bed.

“We can’t do this here?  My bed sounds so much more comfortable than your stuffy little office.”  I whined as I wrapped my arms tightly around the sides of my thighs, and then prayed that Tom would compromise with me on this one little thing.  Of course, the fact that he was already walking away from my door and toward his office on the other side of his home, well that wasn’t exactly the most spirit boosting of signs when it came to the matter.

“Come on, Abby darling.  My office might be stuffy, but talking about something like this is strangely not the kind of conversation to be had in bed.”  He called with a small laugh as I could tell that he was already half way down his expansive second floor hallway, and that he had absolutely no intention of even entertaining the idea of coming back.  I rolled my eyes at Tom’s strangely carefree behavior considering how he had acted the night before, and then I finally pushed myself up onto my feet to eventually stand. I might not have appreciated the intense sarcasm that the man who I had asked to help me was currently giving me, but I did appreciate the fact that he was even entertaining the idea of helping me at all.

About five minutes later, I found myself sitting in a quite comfy leather armchair in Tom’s small but homey office, and staring back at the man who now sat just across from me shuffling through papers that had previously been laying quite nicely on his large mahogany desk.  I watched in a silent anxiety as he messed with what appeared to be scripts and other various work related items, and I desperately attempted to not start very loudly screaming at him for so obviously stalling our incredibly important conversation. My heart pounded from deep inside of my chest as I watched Tom create neatly formed stacks that lined the left side of his desk in an almost perfect row, and when I noticed him beginning to organize his elaborate collection of pens, I finally lost my cool.

“Oh for Christ Sakes, Tom!”  I exclaimed as I slammed my bare feet down loudly against the floor beneath me, and instantly began glaring daggers at the man sitting across from me.  Tom carefully set down the purple highlighter that he had been so diligently finding a home for only moments before, and then he very slowly turned his eyes up toward mine.

“Yes, Abby?  Something bothering you, my dear?”  He asked in his incredibly Jane Austen novel sounding British accent as he smiled almost wickedly over toward me, and then folded his hands very neatly just beneath his chin.   _ That British gentlemen shit wasn’t gonna work on me this time.  Honestly, it never really ever had before either. _

“Seriously, Tom?  You came into my room asking me if I knew what time it was, and now you are just sitting here organizing your fucking desk?  Are we going to talk about this or should I just go back to Findyourdaddydom.com?” I asked angrily as I narrowed my eyes toward my friend, and then tilted my head just slightly in his direction.  Tom’s innocent little smile slightly faded as he watched me, and then he finally cleared his throat just before he once again began to speak.

“I came into your room asking you if you knew what time it was because you were late to a meeting that you asked me to have.  Now I am making you wait because if this wasn’t important enough for you to be on time, then obviously it’s not important enough for you to mind waiting a few extra minutes.  Oh, and stay away from that website, Abby. I’m serious.” Tom said as he pointed his finger toward me in a very  _ ‘You will listen to me, young lady’ _ sort of way, and then nodded his head in my direction.  I rolled my eyes at his completely unnecessary tone, and then straightened myself up more properly where I sat.

“Fine, I am sorry that I was late.  Now, could we please get this started?  I have seen a lot of horrible things today in order to prepare me for this little get together, and I would really like to at least have the psychological damage that they have caused me be worth something.”  I said incredibly sarcastically as I smiled at my friend, and then watched as Tom finally began to relax himself behind the desk where he sat.

“Sarcastic apology accepted.  So, you googled BDSM, huh? How was that for you, darling?  Find anything fun that you wanna try?” He asked as he carefully leaned back in his chair, and then very casually kicked his feet up onto the top of his desk.  I shook my head quickly as I felt my eyes instantly go wide, and then found myself smiling as Tom began laughing at my obviously intense reaction.

“Um...no, thank you very much.  Everything that I found today seems like it should be reserved strictly for Halloween or at the very least incredibly special Satanic rituals that are held very far away from me.”  I said as I huffed loudly, and then readjusted myself slightly in my seat. Tom nodded slowly as he lifted his hands to rest at the back of his head, and then ran his tongue very slowly over his bottom lip.

“So, you mainly spent your time on dungeon pages then?  You saw a lot of leather, humiliation, and women wearing shiny black heels and barely anything else?”  He asked as he watched my face very carefully as I thought back to my day of completely inappropriate internet surfing, and then smiled when I finally began once again nodding my head.

“I didn’t know they were called that, but yes that is a lot of what I saw.  Do men really tie women up like that, like for real? That shit looked incredibly painful.”  I said as I made a slightly uncomfortable face, and then smoothed my hands over the black sleep shorts that I was wearing.  Tom nodded as he watched me move intently.

“Yes darling, that is absolutely for real.  Only it isn’t just men that do the tying up, and the women aren’t exactly pleading to be let go either.”  Tom said as he stretched his neck back slightly, and seemed to be thinking about something that I wasn’t sure that I wanted to know about.

“So, women actually like to be all bound up like that?  It honestly looked incredibly uncomfortable.” I said as I remembered a photo that I had come across where a woman had nearly been covered from head to toe in a series of intricately tied knots, and had bright red blotches covering nearly the entirety her once clear ivory colored skin.

“Abby, when it comes to things like this, everyone is different.  There are people that enjoy being tied up, have orgasms every time that they are burned, and even some that  get off on people defecating on them. It’s a mixed bag of fetishes just like people having different hobbies or simply enjoying different kinds of books.”  Tom said as he made a very casual ‘ _ This is just like talking about the weather’  _ kind of face, and then shrugged his shoulders slightly.  My eyes widened as I took in all the words that he had just said, and then I attempted to force myself to at least somewhat relax against the back of my chair.   _ Which was going to be impossible.  You cannot tell someone that people enjoy being shit on in their free time, and then expect them to simply relax. _

“Is that the kind of stuff that...you are into, then?”  I asked much more quietly than I had been speaking before as I lowered my eyes just slightly, and then stared up at Tom from just beneath my lashes.  Tom held his gaze intently on mine for a moment while he kept his expression completely neutral, and then finally he shrugged his shoulders once again.

“I am into all kinds of stuff, darling, but humiliation and actually wounding someone...no that isn’t exactly my style.”  He answered finally causing my heart to at least somewhat slow down inside of my chest, and my breathing to begin to at least attempt to return back to normal.

“Okay, so...um...what exactly is your style then?  I figured I should know since it’s you that I am asking to…”  I started, but I found myself becoming far too embarrassed to finish my sentence.  A soft smile formed on Tom’s lips as he carefully sat watching me, and then he slowly dropped his feet down from his desk, and leaned his body just slightly forward in my direction.

“To show you how to fuck like a very bad little girl?”  He asked as his words seemed to practically slither off of his tongue, and then make their way almost painfully down the entirety of my spine.  I shivered visibly as I pushed my body back tighter against my chair, and then very anxiously cleared my throat.

“Yes...that was what I was going to say.”  I said painfully sarcastically as I forced myself to roll my eyes, and then began rubbing one of my hands over the flesh of my opposing goosebump covered forearm.  Tom smiled as he watched me fidget so uncomfortably before him, and then he once again casually shrugged his broad shoulders.

“Well, to answer your question, I don’t really have a specific style when it comes to sex or the relationships that go with them.  I try at every opportunity to cherish the woman that I am with like the goddess that she is, but I also believe that sometimes a woman needs to be fucked with absolute reckless abandon.  I believe in love and passion just like most other humans in this sometimes messed up world, but sometimes the way that I love is just different than how other people do it.” He said as he kept his eyes trained on mine as he spoke, and appeared to be studying my reaction to every single word that he was saying.  I kept my poker face tightly in its place as he watched me, and then I continued pressing on with my questioning. 

“Different in what way?”  I asked in a voice that sounded far different than the confident sassy one that I had originally entered the room with as I once again repositioned myself in my chair, and then crossed one of my freshly tanned legs just over the other one.

“Most people have a few hot and heavy months at the beginning of their relationship where they can’t keep their hands off of each other, and then after that they fall into a routine where they barely speak to one another outside of mealtimes.  I simply do not operate like that. I believe that passion belongs in a relationship no matter how long that you have been together, and I do my best to see to keeping it like that. When I love or feel passionate about someone, I do it with everything that I am.  That means seeing to even their smallest of needs, and making sure that every single thing that they want I am providing to them. It also means correcting them when they do something that I don’t exactly think is good for them or something that obviously just is not safe.”  Tom said as his voice slightly changed as he said the word  _ correcting, _ and then immediately returned to its normal tone thereafter.  I swallowed thickly as I couldn’t seem to figure out what part of what he had just said that I wanted to address first, but then made up my mind as quickly as I could, before I ended up losing my nerve.

“You... _ correct _ them?”  I asked incredibly cautiously as another few choice photos from my internet searching quickly invaded my mind, and I shuddered as I unwillingly imagined Tom relentlessly beating a woman with some sort of sadistic looking whip.  

“Yes Abby, I correct them.  If you spent your whole day looking at BDSM websites and you live in the twenty-first century, then you know that at its core, this lifestyle is about control.  It is my duty as a dominant to care for my submissive. That means not only making her happy, but also teaching her lessons that make her stronger.” Tom said in a voice that he usually used when he was explaining literature as he continued staring me down as if I was his poker opponent, and then he suddenly smiled very innocently in my direction.   _ This really wasn’t the kind of conversation that warranted anything innocent looking from that man, and deep down I was pretty sure that he knew it. _

“So, it’s not about sex, but really just about controlling someone?”  I asked with a slightly disgusted tone in my voice, even though honestly, I didn’t even know exactly what it was that I was truly most disgusted about in this conversation.  Tom smiled even brighter as he very quickly shook his head, and then just slightly lifted up one of his hands.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, darling.  It is very much about sex. Having a woman look into your eyes and beg you to fuck her living brains out while her hands are cuffed behind her back, well you show me a man that doesn’t turn on.  However, most people think that it is just about that, and it absolutely is not. BDSM, dom/sub, or whatever else you want to call it is a balance of control and submission both in the bedroom and out in daily life.  It is something that if done right can mold a very satisfying relationship, and a very pleasing dynamic as well.” He explained as he ran his fingers very slowly through his still slightly damp hair, and then once again returned his hands back down to his desk.  I lifted my brow as I shifted my eyes just slightly, and then casually turned my head over in Tom’s direction.

“And, if it is done wrong?”  I asked in a slightly wavering voice as I felt a little nervous asking such a question, and just as I suspected, Tom’s mood immediately changed.   _ Well, shit. _

“If it is done wrong, then it is a disaster.  Hearts get broken, psyches get royally fucked up, and your brand new car most likely won’t live to see the end of it.”  He answered with a very cold sounding laugh as he dropped his eyes down away from mine, and then turned his attention in the room’s opposite direction.  I swallowed thickly as I slowly nodded my head.  _ Rachel… _

“So, um...how do you do it right?”  I asked trying to turn the conversation in a slightly different direction, and not toward my best friend’s ex-girlfriend that I could honestly say if I saw on the street, I would not swerve too far away from in order to stop from hitting her.  Tom sighed as his suddenly darkened eyes began to very slowly once again lighten.  _  Oh, thank God. _

“You do it with care.  You don’t jump into things without thinking.  You use communication almost to a fault, and you absolutely must trust the person that you are with, even with the fragileness of your very life.”  He said as he pushed himself up in his seat, and then cleared his throat slightly roughly just after he spoke. I nodded slowly in pretend understanding.

“I trust Ian, a lot...I think.  I mean I did trust him enough to drive my Volvo home from the dealership.  If that isn’t trust, then I don’t know what is.” I said with a laugh as I once again attempted to bring levity to this strange situation that I currently found myself in.  Tom narrowed his eyes at me as he slightly turned his head, but he did not laugh at my humorous gesture.

“The more important question right now, Abby, is do you absolutely trust me?  It is me who you are asking to do the teaching, and in essence, that is the most dangerous part.”  He said with his voice still low and incredibly dangerous sounding. I swallowed thickly as I desperately searched my brain for another joke, but of course, I couldn’t find one. 

“I trust you, Tom.  I have always trusted you.”  I said in complete honesty as I thought back to the millions of secrets that I had told the man sitting before me over the past three years of our friendship, and how he had of course, never uttered a single word after hearing them.  Tom very slowly nodded his head.

“Well good, that is a brilliant start.  Now, do you know exactly what kind of BDSM that Ian is into?  I will go ahead and venture that little prick of course  _ thinks _ that he is a dom, and that he most likely also is a huge fan of ordering people around.”  Tom said in a very annoyed sounding voice as he not so subtly rolled his eyes, and then began gently rubbing the side of his head.  I shrugged my shoulders as I bit down gently on my bottom lip. 

“Um….well judging by how before today, I didn’t even really know that there were different kinds of this shit, I’m not exactly sure.  What I do know is that Alex told me that he insists that Heather wears pink from head to toe nearly all of the time, and that he has bought her stuffed animals as gifts.”  I said referring to my female best friend and fellow makeup artist that I had known ever since cosmetology school, and who had so kindly done a lot of amateur detective work for me the second that Ian had said that we were through.  Tom rolled his eyes again the very second that I had finished speaking, and then finally pushed himself up from where he had been sitting.

“Well, that would make Ian a daddy dom.  How lovely for him.” He said in a slightly bitter tone as he carefully shook his head, and then moved over to the space just in front of me, just before leaning back against the front of his desk.  I narrowed my eyes just slightly.

“A daddy dom?  Like that website that I found today?  The kind of guys that treat their women like children, but screw them at the same time?”  I asked feeling my stomach becoming slightly nauseous, and my head beginning to wildly spin.  Tom nodded slowly.

“For the most part yes, that is exactly what it is.  It isn’t nearly as sickening as you think it is though, at least for most doms that are into it.  It is more about feeling as if they are protecting someone that they crave so much, and also the fact that blatant innocent to them is a turn on.  Most of the men that do it didn’t have a great childhood or at the very least had an absentee father, but some of them are just normal guys who like to have a pretty little thing bat their eyes at them sweetly and call them  _ daddy. _ ”  He explained as he watched me staring up at him from my seat in both complete confusion, and also slight disgust.   _ This was such a strange conversation.  A strange conversation that I, of course, had started. _

“Are you a...daddy dom?”  I suddenly asked not completely certain if I could handle my first stint in this lifestyle as being some man’s cutsey little pet, but then again if Tom actually was, at least it would prepare me for how my life would be once Ian and I reunited.   _ It would be weird as hell at first, but it would be worth it in the end.  I loved him. This was what he needed. And, this was what I needed to give to him. _

“No Abby, I am not a daddy dom.  I don’t judge other people’s fantasies, but little girls prancing around in pj’s with teddy bears has never really been my thing.  Of course, since I am helping you with this in order for you to win back that insufferable little prick, I am sure that I can stomach a few scenes where we like...let the stuffed animals watch or something.”  Tom said as he appeared to gag on his words, and then smiled his beautiful smile immediately thereafter, but in that moment I couldn’t truly appreciate his smile as I normally did. Instead, I was focusing in on the part of the conversation where Tom had said that he was actually helping me, and for some reason hadn’t originally led with that declaration in the first place.

“Since you are helping me?  So you really are helping me?  You’re gonna do it?” I asked as I jumped up onto my feet and began bouncing up and down like a schoolgirl who had just been asked to the prom.  Tom sighed as he stood up and put his hands in front of me, keeping my body at an incredibly safe distance from his.

“I said that I wasn’t into all that little girl shit, Abby, so you can go ahead and stop squealing like one.  Yes, I am going to help you, you little twit. You knew from the second that you asked me that I was going to help you.”  He said as he smiled at me sideways, and then released a very heavy breath from between his lips. I smiled as I continued jumping up and down in front of him, and moving even closer toward his body.

“Oh my God, Tom!  You are like the best friend that a girl could ever have!  You have no idea how much this…” I rambled, but I was soon cut off by Tom as he once again lifted his hand up into the air, and then formally silenced me in the middle of my nonsensical speaking.  I whined slightly as I quickly closed my mouth in front of him, and then crossed my arms tightly over my chest. Tom smiled as he rolled his eyes.

“Oh Christ, Ian would have a field day with you when you act like this, but right now just go ahead and drop it.  It is time for a very serious conversation that you are not going to want to have with me, but that you are going to have to have if you expect to get even a single ounce of my help.”  He said as he quickly returned to his very formal manner of speaking, and then resituated himself on the side of his desk. I sighed as I nodded my head slowly, and then returned to my chair just in front of where he sat.

“Alright, Tom.  Lay it on me. Let’s have this serious conversation.  Then, let's go have dinner. I am fucking starving.” I said with a smile on my lips as I mainly focused on the fact that I had actually worn Tom down, and that he actually was going to help me with my slightly crazy situation.

“Jesus Abby, you are killing me.  Please focus for Christ’s Sake. Okay, so we have sat here and talked about my likes and everything that I am into for the past hour, but we really haven’t talked about anything in regards to you.  So, out with it already. Tell me all the nasty stuff that gets your little engine purring so that I can completely ignore it once I have you in my bedroom.” He said sarcastically as he raised one of his brows at me playfully, and then leaned forward toward where it was that I sat.  I sat silent for a few moments as I desperately searched my brain in order to give Tom an answer, and then finally I simply shrugged my shoulders instead.

“Um...I don’t know.  I mean I guess I like....to be on top.  That is fine. Gives me a reason to skip the gym the next day.”  I said with a laugh as I glanced over toward Tom, who of course wasn’t even kind of laughing.

“First of all, you will rarely be on top, so go ahead and let go of that little pipe dream.  Secondly, you just said that it was just  _ fine _ .  That doesn’t exactly sound like something that makes you want to rip someone’s clothes off.  I want to hear what makes you see colors that don’t exist and speak in languages in which you are not formally trained.”  He said in a very polished, but still incredibly casual tone of voice as he continued to watch me. I looked up at him as I continued hopelessly searching my mind, and then once again just simply shrugged my slender shoulders before I gave my reply.

“Um...I guess I don’t know then.  I have never seen colors that don’t exist, and I can only say like five things in another language, and that is in Spanish.”  I said as I laughed once again. Tom continued very strangely staring at me, and as usual, not even sort of laughing.

“What about oral?  It’s quite obvious that your previous lovers were not magicians when it came to intercourse, but I have never met a woman that didn’t do backflips whenever I ran my tongue over her.  Is that at least a little bit more exciting than  _ fine _ for you?”  He asked as he studied my expression as if I was a textbook.  I stared up at him, and contemplated lying when it came to his question, but figured that judging by the situation I was in,  I most likely should probably just be as truthful as humanly possible.

“I...um...don’t know how I feel about oral.  No one has ever really done that to me.” I said so softly that I wondered if Tom had even heard me, but judging by the expression on his face, he had most definitely heard what I had said.   _ Oh this was just mortifying. _

“Please tell me you are being sarcastic.”  He said in a very serious tone that almost sounded offended as he pushed himself up once again to stand, and then began moving across the room at a very determined pace.  I swallowed thickly as I very slowly shook my head, and then turned in the direction that he was now walking.

“No, I am not being sarcastic, Tom.  You know my sarcastic voice better than anyone.  It really isn’t a big deal, seriously. I’ve only been with like a handful of men, and they just really weren’t those kind of guys, I guess.  I highly doubt I’m missing out on that much.” I justified as I remembered back to the three men that I had been with over the twenty-six years of my life, and all of the very different sexual experiences that they had given me.

“Says the woman who has never had it.  Okay, we will address that topic later.  Next, I need to know what things are absolutely off the table for you.  What are the things that no matter what the circumstances, are you not willing to do?”  Tom asked as he began pacing over near his quite expansive bookcase, and causing the floor to creak just slightly beneath his large feet.  I thought for a second, and then a bright smile suddenly broke out over my face.

“Oh, you mean my  _ hard limits _ ?”  I asked as even I knew that I sounded like a child, and then turned my attention over toward Tom.  My friend narrowed his eyes at me as he slowly lowered his head, and then gave me a look that screamed  _ ‘Oh, you have got to be kidding me’. _

“Well, look who read  _ Fifty Shades of Grey _ ?  I will assume that Ian is the one who bought you that insufferable trash?”  Tom asked as he waved his hand disgustedly into the air in front of him, and then began pacing slowly once again.  I scrunched up my face at his blatant insult of a book that nearly every single one of my friends had memorized, and then I huffed loudly from where I sat.

“For someone who apparently is into  _ correcting  _ women, I don’t really think you have room to talk when it comes to that book, Tom.  Christian corrected Ana a lot. And, I mean  _ a lot. _ ”  I said remembering both the strangely erotic, and also slightly disturbing material that the novel that Alex had forced me to read had quite vividly entailed.  Tom shook his head once again in what appeared to be disgust, and then he once again continued pressing on in his lecture.

“I am going to ignore that comment for now, but you bring it up again, you are in big trouble darling.  Now, please just answer my question.” Tom said as he motioned with his hand for me to hurry it up, and then finally settled himself back against his office door.  I sighed as I once again searched my mind, and then finally once again began to speak as soon as I felt that I had found all my words.

“Okay, well I guess I just don’t want to get hurt.  I saw a picture of a girl that had bruises all over her body that she posted on a blog that she wrote, and I really just don’t want to be looking like some domestic abuse victim.  I don’t think that I would mind like a red mark or something, but I don’t want to be like...in a ton of pain.” I said attempting to imagine Tom even being capable of such things, but knowing deep down that when it came to his sex life, I knew only about  as much as he had told me. Tom nodded very carefully as he moved very slowly back over to my side of the room, and then I watched as he finally knelt down beside my chair.

“I would never  _ ever _ hurt a woman like that, Abby, especially not you.  The pain that I inflict is meant solely for pleasure, and I don’t intend on ever pushing it past that.  This lifestyle is based on two people meeting each other’s needs, not tearing each other down into nothing.  At least that is not what it is based on for me.” He said as he smiled up from his place knelt down beside me, and then nodded his head reassuringly in my direction.  I nodded slowly in understanding.  _ I just couldn’t see how Tom was actually a dom.  He was just too sweet. There was no way that he was like the guys that I had been reading about all day... _

“Well then, I don’t think that I have any true hard limits.  But, I mean if I change my mind…” I started, but before I could finish, Tom immediately began nodding his head.

“If you change your mind, then you tell me no and that will be it.  I will stop whatever I am doing, and we will move on to something else.  I don’t fuck around when it comes to something that a woman is absolutely against.  I am all about pressing limits, but in a reasonable sort of way.” He said with his smile still held beautifully in its place.  I nodded slowly, but then turned my head in his direction as my eyes began to just slightly narrow.

“Will I need a safeword or something?  And, before you freak out, I actually got that from Google, not the book that shall remain nameless.”  I said with slight sarcasm as I smiled, and in turn gained a smile from Tom’s lips as well.

“Since I have known you for such a long time as a friend, I am fairly certain that I will know when you are at that point when you cannot take anymore, but to err on the side of caution you should probably choose a safeword just in case.  I want you to feel completely in control when it comes to an issue such as that. You might trust me, but I have yet to truly earn this level of trust from you.” He said in a very serious tone as he watched me. I swallowed thickly, suddenly feeling in a little bit over my head.   _ Focus on the goal, Abby.  No time for fear now. _

“So, it can be anything I want?  I can pick something crazy and completely off the wall?”  I asked as my eyes lit up with excitement once again. Tom smiled as he slowly nodded his head, and then laughed just slightly under his breath.

“Yes, it can be anything you want, and it is actually best if it is off the wall.  You don’t want it to be anything that can be misconstrued as sexual because even doms sometimes get lost in the moment, and you don’t want it to be a word that you would commonly use.  It is meant to grab attention, and remove both parties from the moment.” He said as he continued intently studying my face. I sat silent for a moment, and then finally lifted my head just as excitement began wildly dancing inside of my mind.

“ _ Jotunheim _ .”  I said boldly with a bright smile on my lips.  Tom smiled as he finally dropped down to sit on the floor beside me, and then slowly began shaking his head.

“You want your safeword to be  _ Jotunheim _ ?  Oh darling, I knew you always had a thing for Loki.  Maybe we actually found your little kink, hmm? Maybe not so little?”  He asked with wild eyes as he suggestively wiggled his brow, and then stretched his long legs out in front of him.  I rolled my eyes as I felt color beginning to rise in my cheeks, and then I quickly began shaking my head.  _ I did not have a kink for Loki...I just really appreciated his...swagger. _

“Yes, I want it to be  _ Jotunheim _ , and no I do not have a Loki kink.  I am simply doing what you told me to do, Tom.  I am picking a safeword that will grab your attention.  Anything else, before I die of starvation here? I seriously haven’t eaten since breakfast time.”  I whined as I dropped down onto the floor beside Tom, and then nodded toward his office door with incredibly hopeful eyes.  Tom kept his stare on mine and then slowly nodded his head.

“The last thing that I want to stress, is that I need you to be honest with me while this whole strange training thing is going on, Abby.  I need you to tell me when something is too much, and also when you might need more. I need you to not be embarrassed by the things that you are feeling, and I need you to talk to me whenever you have something that you need to say.  Lastly, I need you to understand that you are most likely not going to like everything that I present to you, especially at first, but know that I am doing this to help you. To help you to understand.” He said very seriously as he carefully watched me just as I pulled my knees up into my chest, and then dropped my chin down onto them.

“I will do anything you say, Tom.  You are helping me to win back the love of my life.  I will gladly take orders from you or even let you correct me as long as you don’t get too out of hand.”  I said as I smiled warmly toward my friend, but noticed that he wasn’t smiling as he usually did in return.

“This is serious, Abby.  You really need to understand that this isn’t going to be easy, but it will at least most likely be quite fun.”  Tom said with a smile as he reached out and gently touched the side of one of my knees. I smiled as pushed my knee just slightly toward him, and then tilted my head to the side as well.

“I understand, Tom.  I know that it won’t be easy, but I know that it will be worth it.  After all of this, I will have Ian back and you won’t have to deal with me living in your spare room for all eternity.  I do have one last question before all of this gets started, though.” I said as I felt slight anxiety beginning to move over me.  Tom nodded as he dropped his hand back down onto the floor beside him.

“Anything, darling.”  He said softly. I took in a deep breath, and then once again forced myself to push on.

“At the risk of upsetting your sickness to smutty literature, I was just wondering….um...well if I was gonna have to sign some sort of contract or something.  I mean you are kinda famous, and…” I started as I could feel the entirety of my skin turning pink, but stopped short just as I watched Tom beginning to laugh loudly from my side.  

“Abby, in real life the only contracts that are in these situations are for the safety of the people involved in them, and created out of respect for both parties.  Even if a document such as the one in that book would in fact be legally binding, there is still no way that I would ever ask you to sign it. I trust you implicitly, and honestly do not care if the whole world knows about what I do in the privacy of my own bedroom, because in all reality, it’s my fucking bedroom.  However, if you would like to sign something so that you feel safe, well then I will gladly draw something such as that up.” He said reassuringly. I sighed as I very slowly shook my head, and then returned my head down to the slightly warmed flesh of my knees.

“When it comes to something like this, honestly, I would prefer to skip the paperwork.  I trust you, and you know it. I don’t need to sign anything to feel safe because you already make me feel that way.”  I admitted honestly. Tom nodded, and smiled the kind of smile that I knew was full of sincerity.

“That makes me very happy to hear, darling.  However, I will keep that option open just in case you change your mind.  Right now you know me as Tom, your best friend. Soon you will know me in a very different way, and your feelings on the matter might change.  Speaking of which, when exactly would you like to get this whole thing started? Do you want some time to maybe think it over a little bit more?  Make sure that you are absolutely certain that this is what you want?” He asked as I could tell that he was praying that I would say yes. Instead, I very quickly shook my head.

“Nice try, Hiddleston.  No, I do not want anymore time to think, and yes I am already very sure.  Tonight, I am starving and I would love nothing more than for you to take me out to eat so that I can buy us both a ridiculously large meal.  With that being said, how about tomorrow night? Do you have any hot Friday night plans?” I asked feeling suddenly nervous as if I was asking Tom out on a legitimate date.  Tom smiled a very different sort of smile in my direction, and then very slowly nodded his head.

“I guess I do now, love.”  He practically purred, and with those final words, our negotiations were settled.  The next night I would dive head first into a world in which I had never been. A world that would hopefully someday lead me back to Ian.

 

**_Here is the update to Chapter Two….lets keep this train in motion...shall we?  Thank YOU for reading I look forward to finally continuing this even many years later.  -Hiddlestonerheart83_ **

  
  
  
  
  
  
  



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